so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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