I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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