five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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