It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize