we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
