I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
