he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
