I smell stomach acid.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
