i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
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