So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
