it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
You can't just leave with hair like that
We need a shit load of segways right now
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
