my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Randomize
