God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
