What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
