So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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