i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
