Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
