His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Randomize
