Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
