Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
