Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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