She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
