I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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