if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
