Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
