Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
