When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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