i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
