how can u be prego again
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
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