I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
