I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
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Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
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It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
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