So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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