i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
