that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
