I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
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Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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