if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
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