I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
