I like to think it a success when the cops are called
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
