I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
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