My room smells like vodka and shame
God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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