She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I lost the right to judge tonight
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
