last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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