The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
