ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
