So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
