oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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