Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
