I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
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