I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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