I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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