I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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