Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
