My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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