My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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