I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
