ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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