happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
