Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
