In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
