We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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