are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Randomize
