I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
