Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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