at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I didn't notice because vodka
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
