i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Randomize
