I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
