not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize