You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Someone shattered a urinal.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Randomize
