how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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