no, he came in my armpit
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
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