Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
i may or may not be watching the land before time
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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