smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize