i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
